Job prays

It is one of those books of the Bible that we don't choose to read everyday.  It just so happens that I'm reading through the Bible, chronologically, this year.  So, I landed in Job. While I love the book of Job, I really don't think that I'm in the place emotionally to read it right now. 

I've never been one to compare my life with Job-there's no way-not even close.  However, this last month has been a trying season for me.  Being told that we needed to move out of the house that we've been renting for only six months nearly knocked the socks off me.  We are in no way prepared to move; yet, I trust Him.  I know that His glory will prevail. In fact, I already see His hand in this...Praise break!

So, I began reading through Job and low and behold this verse jumped out at me,
"And when the days of their feasting were over, Job sent for them to purify and hallow them, and rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all.  For Job said, 'It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed or disowned God in their hearts.'  Thus did Job at all [such] times.  (Job 1:5, AMP)

Well, I may not be able to truly identify with the sufferings of Job - though I sometimes feel like it - I can certainly identify with this offering of sacrifice.  As a parent of teenage boys, there are many time when I have thought, like Job, "It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed or disowned God in their hearts."  I like Job's response! 

No, I don't make decisions for them.  I can't follow them around and ask them spiritually provoking questions.  I can't always stop them from trying something or doing something.  I can't make them ditch unsavory friends for the youth group.  I can't even make them read their Bible and pray every day!  But, like Job, I can go to my God and offer a sacrifice to Him on their behalf.  Not a burnt animal sacrifice-a sacrifice of prayer and concern.  Yes, that I can do.  Yes, that I do!

Thank you, Father Job, for setting the example!

Lord, I pray for my sons today.  You, and you only know their hearts.  You know how close or far they are to you.  You know what they've been taught and you know what they believe.  You know what they've done and you know what they've restrained from doing.  You, you only can work in their lives.  Father, protect them from the Enemy and draw their spirit to you. 

And Lord, search my heart that I might confess and turn from my wicked ways too.  You see, we all need more of You and less of us.  Amen.

It's almost over.

It is almost Christmas.  Today is Christmas eve eve.  Christmas is my favorite time of year; I LOVE it.  But, I see the signs that it is almost over – then what?  Everything returns back to “normal.”  The decorations and festive displays everywhere disappear; the lights, the special drinks at Starbucks, the spirit – yes, the spirit of Christmas – it all goes away and we’re left with naked trees, dead grass, whipping winds, white cups, cold spirits, cold hearts, and solitude.

I know that I should savor the moment, but as I sit here by the "roaring" gas fire, I’m stuck mourning the loss to come.  I'm trying, folks, but I sense it rising...this sorrow.  I guess it is like watching a loved one slowly stop breathing until they simply disappear.  That's what is going to happen.  Christmas is losing its strength and in a few days, it will be done.  It will disappear.  We'll box it up for 11 months and then try to revive it. 

I hope so, at least.  For what it's worth...Merry Christmas.

There’s no place like home for the holidays…

Home.  It’s the place we always refer to during this time of year.  It’s the place that we find our security and our sense of being.

What happens, when home isn’t home?  Somehow, after moving across the country two years ago, my perception of home during the holidays has changing.  Sure we’ve made some good friends here, but would they be offended if I said that I am struggling?  Yeah, we’ve invited some friends over later this week to help us celebrate the season, but it isn’t the same.  They are nice people, don't get me wrong.  But, there's a history we just don't share -- yet.

Let me just go on the record and say, I’m missing my friends.  I’m not sure what is bringing on this feeling, but I wish for just one evening, we could all get together, exchange two years worth of gifts, eat chocolate covered pretzels, and have a cup of nog.   

As I continue through this season, making new memories, I'm going to think of you-my friends across the river (the Mississippi)-and miss you.

I hope your Christmas experience is all that you dream of, as I dream of...

home.

The Lord IS my shepherd

Okay, so I decided - a few weeks ago - to read through Ezekiel during my morning devotion times.  Wow!  I didn't see all that judgement and destruction coming!  However, God has given me some great nuggets through this journey.

Today, Chapter 34 was definitely a mother lode. 

You know, there are times when I feel like the church experiences I've had have totally beaten me down.  I get it.  I know that God uses all of those experiencing to form me into the man He desires.  And for that, I am thankful.

After reading chapter 34, my mind quickly races to those "sheep" who've lost their way.  They are wondering through the wilderness, hurt and maimed by their former shepherd.  To know that God is "searching for His sheep and seeking them out," (verse 11) creates such a wonder and awe for this Master Shepherd. 

If you are still experiencing the life of a scattered sheep, stop. 

He is calling for you. 

Run to Him.

Verse 25, "I will make a covenant of peace with them and eliminate harmful beasts from the land so that they may live securely in the wilderness and sleep in the woods."

Verse 31, "As for you, My sheep, the sheep of My pasture, you are men, and I am your God," declares the Lord God.

It makes that 23rd Psalm - oh, so much more powerful, doesn't it?

God's Anger

"...I will give thanks to You, O Lord;

For although You were angry with me,

Your anger is turned away,

And You comfort me."

(Isaiah 12:1-NASB)

I'm not sure about you, but I don't know what to do with a love like this. 

My God. 

In your anger

at

my sin,

my disobedience,

my selfishness,

my pride,

my fits,

my inconsistency,

my lack of love,

my unfaithfulness,

my...

You comfort me.

You comfort ME?

YOU comfort me...

You COMFORT me...

You comfort...

me.

"Behold,

God is

my salvation,

I will trust

and not

be

afraid;

for the Lord

God

is my

strength

and

song,

And

He

has become

my salvation."
(Isaiah 12:2, NASB)

MY salvation.

my SALVATION.

Chosen path

Sometimes, it is really hard to know.
We trust.
He doesn't show us what is up ahead.
We trust.
Sometimes, we fear.it.
But that isn't right.
We trust.
We want what we want.
We trust.
He provides.
He meets the need.
We trust.

I recently traveled to Camp Bethany near Shreveport, Louisiana, to attend the last course necessary for receiving an Ed.D.  It was during a morning prayer walk that I found this path. 

It was early morning.  Inspired by a lively discussion of yeilding to the Holy Spirit, I initiated a prayer walk on this, somewhat humidly cool morning.  This path lay before me.  It so reminded me of the journey of life.  Surrounded by the beauty of a creation that I had nothing to do but enjoy, I stood in awe that my God had his eye on me.  Where am I in my journey?

As I stand at the beginning of the path, it seems so beautiful.  The climate is peaceful.  The sun causes the afterrain to glisten.  The sounds of the day awakening are refreshing.  There is newness in this day-thank you God.  As I start out on this path, I realize that I don't know where it is going.  I don't see the turns in the path.  I don't see the holes, the downed trees across the path.  The creatures who inhabit both sides of the path are hidden from me.  I cannot change the path.  I cannot fix it.  It is as it is.  I cannot alter the direction it leads me to.  I cannot see the end. 

I can remember where I started. 

Why would I want to go back?  There is no glory in turning back. 

I know the way back, but where what would that do for me? 

So, I cannot go back; I will go forward. 

I can't see ahead, but I trust the one who created the path.  He is looking from above and can see the beginning to the end, and then some. 

I cannot alter the path that I have chosen.  However, I can alter me. 

I can yield to the Pathmaker.  He knows me and He knows the path. 

So, I trust.

My path is before me.

The direction is set.

How will I react to the occurances on the path?

The only uncertainty, true uncertainty, is me.

That, however, I can change. 

 I can change. 

I can change.

Country Sky

What is it about an unadulterated, clear evening sky?  I came home this evening around 7:30.  Be glad you weren't in the car with me on the way home.  The tunes expanded from Celtic Women's "Over the Rainbow" to Barry Manilow's "Daybreak" all the way to Lynda Randall's "The God on the Mountain".  Don't try to profile me based on my playlist!

I opened the car door and looked up at the night sky.  Wow!  We are surrounded by trees here.  The branches perfectly framed the big dipper and a handful of other constellations that I never took the time to memorize. 

Honestly, there isn't a more beautiful sense of peace and simple purity that an evening sky that is far away from the city lights.  Uncapturable, maybe that is why it is so special.  I always imagine my friends and families across the continent who are looking at the same stars and moon as I am 1000's of miles away.  Powerful, isn't it!



Afternoon movie

Okay, so we went to movies this afternoon.  Alyssa wanted to see the Justin Bieber movie; I just couldn't do it.  But, Jenn went to it with Lys and a friend.  Adam, Jon, and I went to see the Eagle. 

What is it about going to movies?  I just love it!  I always think it is the greatest movie right after I've seen it.  Honestly, how many great movies are there.  Sadly, only a few.  (The Wizard of Oz, to name one!)  Since the boys don't really want me sitting with them, I saunter down to the front so I can take in the whole experience.

I have to say, although it is a bit predictable (what movie isn't?), I enjoyed it.  Yet another positive film about loyalty, suddenly subtle friendship, and honor.  I guess you can't really go wrong with those ingredients, right?

There are plenty of battle scenes, but not to much blood shown.  There is one slaying that really got my blood boiling; but, according to Adam, you "have to kill a traitor."  I would argue whether he was a traitor or not, but it truly depends on whose point of view you take.

Who does define traitor?  Hummm...I'll leave you with that thought.

By the way, Esca is my favorite character.  Go see the movie and decide why.  Or, you could read the book.

Yes, it is true.  A good story ALWAYS starts with  a book!

Approved

I heard from my professor today.  She liked my dissertation project.  Well, folks, it is pretty much a done deal.  My final course has been completed; it was received by the university today.  I have two modular to attend.  For most of my adult life, it seems like I have been "taking a class", there has been an assignment to complete, a book to read, something to research. 

Now, I'm left with this blog...sorry folks, that's it.

A week of Snow Days!

It happened, I tell you, it happened.  The story that you're about to read is true.  Monday started as any ole other Monday.  You know how Monday's are, don't you?  Yep, I had spent the evening on Sunday getting ready for the week ahead.  Its an OCD routine of mine, five suits of clothes ironed and hung (in order) in the closet, lunch for tomorrow decided, school bags packed, Blackberry checked for appointments, teeth brushed and body showered. 

4:15, alarm sounds.  My morning routine started and completed.  I traipsed off to school, just like I do every Monday.  Morning exercises with the elementary and middle school students started well.  Their faces were glowing and excited to be back in school after a beautiful Oklahoma weekend.  Oh, did I mention that we had record temperatures near 80 degrees on Saturday.  No, I forgot to mention that, didn't I?  Well, as seemingly insignificant as that may seem, it is an important fact to note at this point in the story.  Change is good, right?

It actually started at Faculty Prayer in the morning.  "We need to rearrange the schedule for this week.  We're expecting snow."  Around noon on Monday, I was met with additional comments that sounded much like this, "Are we going to close school tomorrow?"

"What," I thought.  "Why would we close school tomorrow?  This is SPIRIT WEEK! for heaven's sake.  We've put a lot of planning into the week."

Hummm...Well, it appears that a terrible snow storm is on its way to the Tulsa area.  At that point, it was only predicted.  As I listened to the comments of these native Okies who tried to tell me that we would not have school tomorrow, I wasn't sure if I should question their selfish motives or trust their aged experience.  In fact, we'd be lucky to  be back in by next Monday, they continued to exclaim.  What, are you kidding me?  Seriously, can a snow storm incapitate a city for that long?

I've learned a new lesson about Oklahoma weather.  As fate -not that I believe in fate, I'm a Christian leader, you know - anyway, as fate would have it, it began to snow and sleet and snow and sleet and blow and snow and blow and snow and blow and sleet and snow (you get the idea, right?).  Yeah, we're talking thunder snow.  What in the heck is thunder snow! 

I have experienced snow storms in New England for the past 19 years.  However, I have never seen snowflakes whipped around like I did on Tuesday, all day on Tuesday.  There are drifts on drifts. 

It is now Thursday morning.  As I sit here posted this requested blog, I am viewing the sun rays pouring through the window, laughingly splashng on the kitchen table causing the colorfully checkered table cloth to display an assorted variety of reds, yellows, oranges, and blues.  The brightness of the rays cause me to squint as I look out the window.  I have to turn the light out just to see the computer screen.  The sun is too bright as it mocks the idea of warmth.  You see, the temperature today is -2.  Not exactly warm, is it.

Okay, it is Thursday now.  The combination of 12 inches of snow, limited snow plowing activity, Alaska temperatures, and inexperienced snow drivers have forced us to not only close school on Tuesday but we're now in day three.  And I have to tell you, tomorrow isn't lookin' too good either.

Have you any idea what it is like to be stranded in your own home with two teenage boys, a preteen (who, in their right mind coined that freakish word!) girl, and a dog who can't figure out how to get to his poop spot?  Should Monday arrive and I am able to navigate my Toyota out of the driveway into the snow packed streets, I shall rejoice greatly as I begin to notice that civilization has not been eliminated, just slowed down.    Maybe, in the purest sense of the word, snow days create an environment where family, food, and dogs can reconnect, restructure, and re-play. 

A week of snow day...not to be repeated (I hope), but to be appreciated and taken in stride.

Footprints of Friendships

There is a picture that hangs on the wall in our hallway.

Some People come into our lives and quickly go. 

Some stay for a while,

leave footprints on our hearts

and we are never; ever the same.

It was given to me by Jennifer several years ago.  It has become an important piece of our home.  Not because it a beautiful work of art, rather, it represents a beautiful work of art - friendship.;

I am melancholy this morning.  I need to redefine friendship in my life.  I am looking for my friends, my colleagues, those who know and love me and will accept me just as I am - with my faults and failures, with my oddities and idiocrasies - with my moodiness, guilt, and joy.  I want to eat lunch with someone today who understands me.  Someone who I don't have to pretend with - not that I pretend, I am who I am - you know what I mean?

I want to share an inside joke, a laugh with someone today.  I want to sit around morning prayer with a smile and piece of information that I know will bring encouragement and joy. 

I'm tired of feeling alone in a crowd.

Remember me today, my friend.  Think of me.

As I look for you today, I know I will only find footprints.  You are not here.  You have, however, left these footprints on my heart as a memory and reminder of yourself.  My friends, I miss you today, and I look forward to...

It will never be the same, will it?

Sunday afternoon

I've made it a habit.  Of all the things that I ask as a dad, even my kids know and respect it.  Not only that, they expect it. 

When my family was younger, my goal on Sunday afternoon was to try to get them to all take a nap so I could.  I remember, distinctly, trying to get them to go to sleep.  It is an interesting phenomenon that the older you get, the more your desire sleep.  However, on most Sunday afternoons, they weren't having it!

Today, as I was cleaning up dinner leftovers and dishes and planning my afternoon coffee to be followed by my nap, I realized something.  There were no distractions.  There was no little ones to put down.  In fact, the only offspring home at the time was Adam and he was busy playing Xbox in the other side of the house.  Somehow, having the prime opportunity to lay down for a nap didn't quite seem as enjoyable as I thought it should.  I could lay down at any time, I wouldn't be interrupted or distracted.  No crying voices would wake me.  There would be no bottle or juice cups to make, no songs to sing, no child to rock.  The only distraction would be the silence of a house that I'm trying to call home.

Sunday afternoon, what I always wanted...

Homecoming, part II

The boys are going back to Connecticut tomorrow.  I will miss them.  It's funny how the relationship between parent and child changes. 

I let Jeremy drive home from my mom's today.  He did a great job!  I have to ask myself, "When did this happen?" 

We had a very mature conversation.  He is growing up.

This morning, when I woke up and went into the living room, Jeremy was asleep on the couch.  I very poignantly remember a time, it seems like not too long ago, when he would crawl into my bed and lay right next to me.  As I arose, in the early morning (I've always been a morning person), he would get up with me and wait for me to get ready.  Then we would go downstairs and sit the chair in the living room.  He would curl up next to me as I did my devotions.  My prayers for him then are not much different that they are today.  Where does the time go?

I also remember tucking Alex in.  Every night, I would lay with him and we would pray and debrief our day in his "doggie-nation" (dalmatian, to the adult world) bed.  Just as I thought he was asleep, he would say, "Just one more minute, daddy."  (Sigh as I wipe away the tears.)  Now I go to bed long before he does!

Tomorrow morning, Jenn will see them off at the airport to go back to their lives in Connecticut; lives, that we are not a daily part of.  And, we will continue with our lives in Oklahoma; lives that they are not apart of.  Perhaps this is the way it is suppose to be.  It must be, because it is the way it is.  I don't have to like it.  It is, however, the way it is. 

I must be honest.  I will miss them, but I'm proud of what they are becoming-yet, in my absence. 

Don't be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends.~ Richard Bach

Farewell, my sons...

Homecoming

Tonight was homecoming at ETS.  As I stood there (standing room only!) and watched the students who had been chosen to the Spirit Court, my heart swelled with pride.  You would think that I was a parent of one of the students, but I'm not.  I don't think I can fully understand why I was proud.  Maybe, as I listened to the explanation of the qualification required for the students to be elected to Spirit Court, I realize how significant it was to me.  To know these students and to see them represent the student body was an exciting event.

I so appreciate ETS and the quality of academics and spiritual development that it represents.  Does anyone else see that?  Not only do I have the privilege of working there, I am also a parent.  It has been a journey for my family, but to now have the opportunity to celebrate and participate in this event made me realize the importance and significance of a Christian high school.

So, to the students of the 2011 Spirit Court, thank you.  Thank you for representing ETS; thank you for representing our Savior.  And, thank you for representing your families in such a remarkable way.

I am proud of you!

Reunited

As I write, Alex and Jeremy are preparing to take off from Bradley Field to fly "home".  Interesting, saying home.  They have never lived here.  But, it is where we are!  We are all excited to be able to see them again.  It has only been six months, but I wonder how they have changed?  I wonder how we have changed?  

Here is an old Easter picture.  Isn't it funny?  This is how I remember them.  Look at those smiles!

Tonight is homecoming at ETS as well.  Interesting correlation.  Homecoming...homecoming...It seems that "homecoming" can mean different things.  It could mean alumni returning to the alma mater to participate, as the audience, in their school's vicorious (hopefully!) basketball game.  It could mean two brothers flying half way across the country to their "home" to see their parents and other siblings.  What doesn homecoming mean to you?

This is the last "family picture" that I remember taking.  It was taken on Christmas, 2009.  Who would have thought that Christmas, 2010 would be so different.  That, even if we all wanted a family photo, we couldn't shoot one.  You can bet I'm going to have my camera out this weekend! 

Into Marvelous Light

Okay, this morning's devo was from II Peter chapter 2.  Wowers!  Take a look at verses 9-10 from the NASB, But you are a chosen race , a royal priesthood , a holy nation , a people for God’s own possession , so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people , but now you are the people of God ; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy .
How do you feel this morning, saint?  Let His spirit build you and fill you this morning.  Lift your hands and spin around!  I warn you, do not watch this video unless you are in a place where you can just LET GO AND LET GOD!

Join me as we run into that Marvelous Light!

Charlie Hall - Marvelous Light (Passion '05)

Yes, in Him!

Today’s devotional is a discussion about the fact that sometimes, certain foods can become addictive, that we replace the Comforter with foods in our lives to comfort us.  I’m not sure that I can fully relate to this.  There are some foods that I’m fasting from that I am missing (i.e. sweets!), but I have begun to substitute that with dried and fresh fruits.  I’ve thought about a nice juicy hamburger, but I haven’t really “missed” it.  I do miss a hot cooked meal. 

However, the following verses did capture my attention:  “But as God is faithful, our word to you is not yes and no.  For the Son of God, Christ Jesus, who was preached among you by us--by me and Silvanus and Timothy--was not yes and no, but is yes in Him.  For as many as are the promises of God, in Him they are yes; therefore also through Him is our Amen to the glory of God through us.  (II Corinthians 1:18-20, NASB, empahsis mine)

Paul is explaining why he didn’t, after indicated that he would, journey back to Corinth.  It seems that his following of the Holy Spirit moved him in another direction.  As I reflect upon this, I am poignantly aware that God moves us according to His will.  How often do we make plans, good plans, that God, through circumstances and events, thwarts?   Often, I say!  I continue to refer to where I was last year at this time.  I had no idea that I would be spending the winter in a rented house in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  At this time last year, I wouldn’t have fathomed the idea of moving, especially into the circumstances that I now find myself.  When God decides, God decides.  It is comforting to know that, no matter what my situation or present circumstances, I am resting in His will.  I pray that I will always be able to say, "yes in Him."

I am sensing a renewal, a quickening if you will, of the Holy Spirit in my life.   I don’t know exactly what He is about to do.  However, I do know that He is about to do.  I am preparing for a miracle!  It’s kind of funny, sitting here writing this.  I’ve heard people say things like that before regarding what God is doing in their lives.  I won’t say that I didn’t believe them, but I just –maybe-ignored or dealt with it cavalierly.  However, now I am in that position.  I don’t know which is more exciting, the miracle or the anticipation!

Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief. 

Saturday afternoon

It was a productive day.  We taped Alyssa playing the piano at church.  Look for a post soon!

We did a little grocery shopping and hit Mardel's.  Wowsers!  We picked up some tee shirts for 90% off.  Yep, folks, I said 90% off.  Unbelievable!  They were also having a sale on their educational things, 20%.  Another one of those things you won't find in Connecticut.

We exchanged the Pandora chain that I got for Jenn for Christmas for a better sized one.  Interestingly enough, it was more expensive...humm...

Then, lunch at Pei Wei (another one of those things you won't find in Connecticut!) and a latte at Starbucks!

What ever happened to Saturday evening movies?  I'm wearing out the "page down" button on the remote trying to find a good movie.  You know it's bad when I'm watch Frankie and Johnny.  As talented as Elvis was, an actor he was not!

So, here I blog...

.